HARD TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO!!

For those of you who have ever had to be on long-term steroid use, you will understand what I am going through right now. I have been on high dose steroids for almost 12 years! I was supposed to be on steroids for 3 weeks but I have never been able to come off of them. I have severe difficulty breathing when I try to decrease. I am in the process of trying to lower the dosage once again - and once again I am getting weaker. So frustrating! The drugs help keep me going and alive yet the side-effects are killing me, too! Don't know what to do - except trust the doctors and God to get me through this!!

It is a beautiful day outside and I will try to enjoy the day and not focus on my health! So hard sometimes!

BRRR!! IT'S COLD OUTSIDE BUT WARM IN MY HEART!!

It is finally getting cold here! We seemed to have just skipped a season and gone straight to winter. It is 37 degrees outside this morning and I have to go out! I am going to the thrift store to work today. I will be there all day, which is hard for me, but I am glad I can do it. My health seems to be doing a little better right now and I pray it continues. I am truly blessed by what God has done in my life - making friends, starting to be a little more active, going to a new bible study group for singles on Friday - things are looking up! And my daughter seems really happy, too! She is going back to work today and I think she is really excited about it - and it sure does help financially! God has truly blessed us both!!

STAYING STRONG

Haven't been feeling great the last few days. The doctor isn't sure what is going on but I had to go back up on my steroids, which is very discouraging to me. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the strength to go on. But then I came across something that helped me stay strong. Not sure who wrote it but I love it:

"True strength is told in the suffering you have already overcome."

I have overcome a lot and will continue to overcome as much as I need. I know there is a reason for all I have gone through and even though I may not understand it now, one day I will be healthy and whole again. I will stay strong!

Coming Out of My Funk and Joining the World Again!!

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have been in kind of a funk. I have felt really bad and kind of just cut myself off from the world. But I have really been praying for strength and courage to keep on going and over the last few days I have felt that strength and courage. I went to church on Sunday and enjoyed it. It is really hard for me to go by myself but I know I have to. I can't use it an an excuse anymore. It has been beautiful outside and I have tried to get out more, too. Even walked down by the river today. Not very far and certainly not very fast, but at least I was outside! I went to lunch today with about 10 people from the Newcomers Club and really enjoyed it. My daughter's new landlord went with me and we really both enjoyed it. I am so glad I met her - think we will become great friends. I am going to go to a Bible study with her starting next week. Things are just really looking up. I refuse to give up even though sometimes it seems like it would be much easier. But I know that God has something planned for me and my life and I will just keep going and try to follow in the steps that God wants me to walk! I am so thankful for friends and family who don't give up on me!!

Spring is Here!

“Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.”

Unknown


Happy Spring! Today is the first day of spring and I pray that along with the beautiful flowers and weather it brings that it brings good health and happiness to all!It has been a beautiful day here - a little breezy but beautiful! We are off to a good start!

After feeling like things were kind of "funny" between my daughter and I the last few days, we had a great night last night and things are fine. As she often tells me "I am just paranoid."! I am so blessed to have her and I thank God every day for her.

I pray for my friend who is having lots of health problems and marital problems. I just pray for her peace and health. Wish I could do something more for her but I hope she knows that I am there for her if she needs me.

I hope your Spring is off to a good start!

TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!

It has been beautiful outside the last few days - about 70 degrees! Much different from last week when we had 6 inches of snow on the ground! Don't think the 70 degree weather is going to last but spring is on its way!

I just wish my health would be so beautiful! It has been a rough for days. Feel like I am on the downhill slide again and it is so frustrating. I just don't understand why I can't stay well! I am trying not to get discouraged but honestly it has been tough the last few days. I have not been in the best of moods - just ask my daughter! I am trying to keep upbeat but some days that isn't so easy!

I didn't get to go to my HopeKeepers meeting tonight. Just too weak and my eyes to blurry and having too much trouble breathing! That really frustrated me because we only meet every 2 weeks and I was really looking forward to going. Debra called me and wanted to come over and pray for me and I didn't even feel like having her over. She prayed for me over the phone and that meant a lot.

Well, I guess enough for being down today. Tomorrow is another day and I just know it will be better!

GOD KNOWS THE PLAN!

I went to dinner last night with Debra. I really enjoyed it but had to leave rather abruptly because I couldn't breath very well. I am trying to come down off the prednisone and it is really causing problems. I am trying to tough it out because I really need to get off this drug, but my body is really fighting it. I just pray that I make it through this weekend without having to call the doctor.

As frustrated as I get with my illness and the inability to stay well, I have to believe that even if I don't understand why, God has a reason for all of this.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you., plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

PRAISE GOD FOR HIS WONDEROUS WORKS!!

Somedays, like the last few days, it is really hard to feel good about much of anything when my body is feeling as bad as it is. But then I think about the fact that God made me in His wonderful way and I praise Him! I may not understand why He made my body the way He did, but I praise Him for his wonderous works!


You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139:13-16 NLT

STARTING TO FEEL LIKE HOME!!

It has been a pretty good few days. I went to the HopeKeepers meeting Wednesday and really enjoyed it. I really didn't feel like going, had decideded NOT to go, but God kicked me out of my chair about 15 minutes before the meeting and made me go! I am glad He did and glad I listened to him. I met Debra and Barb and really enjoyed talking to them and getting to know them. I had dinner with Debra tonight and really enjoyed getting out and having some company!

I went to see my neurologist today. He is going to try to cut down on my prednisone a little. I am glad but at the same time, I get really nervous. Everytime we try to go down on the dosage, I start having trouble breathing. He is going to take it real slow so hopefully things will go well. It usually takes about 5 days or so before I can really tell if I am going to have problems. Hopefully not this time! I was supposed to be on this drug for about 3 weeks and it has been 10 years!!! Time to get off of it - the side-effects are horrible! Hopefully this is the time!!

I am really starting to feel at home more and more here in Morgantown and become more convinced everyday that I made the right decision in moving here. God really led me here, every step of the way. He is so awesome!! I am starting to make friends and feel like I really do have people who care - and who I care about! Even though I have friends in other places, it feels so good to start having friends here and feel like I belong! God's love is truly unbelievable!

~~Never Silent~~

A loving heart, a gentle smile, a warm and tender touch
We give so many things in life but nothing means as much.

A little inspiration when one loses hope,
A kind word of encouragement when they no longer seem to cope
A simple phrase, "I love you"when no one else is there
Taking hold onto a hand in a little heartfelt prayer.

Love is never silent. It has so much to say,
And it is our greatest blessing when we give it all away

Author Unknown

GETTING OLD IS TOUGH!!!

I went to one of my doctors today. Not much to report yet - did some blood work to check the anemia, which is still ongoing, and to see if I am going through "the change"! I just don't see how that is possible - I couldn't possible be old enough for that!!!! These hot flashes MUST be due to something else!! Whatever they are due to, I hope it goes away soon. I am not sleeping at all at night, which is making recovery from my illness a little tough since I need a lot of rest! Hopefully this will all go away soon! My daughter and I had lunch today after my appointment and I enjoyed that.

I made a new friend today. I was reading my Quest magazine - a magazine for people with MD, which my disease is classified as. They have a section for penpals and there was a lady named Brenda, who is my age and has MG! Not that I am excited for her that she has the disease but it is nice to find someone my age who has the disease and understands what it is like. Even though this disease is different for everyone, it is nice to have someone who is going through some of the same things. We have corresponded by email and I feel like we will keep that up. It was a nice surprise in my day!

I start a new group tomorrow called HopeKeepers. It is a group I found for people with chronic illnesses. I think it is a national group but they have meetings here in Morgantown. I have spoken to one of the members and she is very nice - even offered to pick me up if I couldn't drive. They meet at a church right down the street from my house so it is really convenient. It is also a bible study, and I have been looking for one to join. This could be an answer to prayers. I am looking forward to meeting some new friends and growing in the Word!

All in all, it was a pretty good day! Really wiped out tonight so hope I sleep well but looking forward to another beautiful day tomorrow!!

GREAT WEEKEND WITH MY DAUGHTER!!

I am getting a little stronger every day. It has been a good weekend. My daughter and I ran a few errands Friday and then went out to dinner. We had a great time. She spent the night with me and we just had a lot of fun together. She had to work Saturday but then she spent the night with me again. I love having her here with me! She does so much for me but the most important thing is she just spends time with me -and I don't even ask her! That makes it so special!! It is so cold today that I don't think I will do much but stay in and stay warm!! Good day to watch the Super Bowl! But at least I am feeling a little better - hope it keeps up! God is so good!!

MAY NOT HAVE GOOD HEALTH BUT HAVE WONDERFUL FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!

I am still trying to recover from my latest hospital stay. I am doing a little better but still not able to do much. Get really tired and short of breath. My daughter is still helping a lot - going to the store for me, cleaning for me, etc. I am trying to do more on my own, though. But even though this has been a rough time, some good has come out of it. I have gotten back in touch with friends and family that for whatever reason, I had not been in contact with very much. It is a good feeling and I don't plan to ever loose contact again. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how much money or possessions you have, having people you love and who love you is what matters and God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family!